Let me start by stating that I am venting. I am writing down my emotions as a therapeutic tool to clear my head and also to reach out to see if anyone who might be reading this can relate. My intention is to obtain support and encouragement, not criticism or disdain.
Perhaps The Ramones best sum up my emotions at this moment:
"Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin' to do and no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated
Just get me to the airport put me on a plane
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane
I can't control my fingers I can't control my brain
Oh no no no no no..."
I feel overwhelmed and lost. Yesterday was Thanksgiving and, despite numerous reminders to DH, he forgot the focus of the day. Instead he bitched about how the house was a disaster, laundry was started and not finished, the kitchen was a a mess from my cooking the night before, the kids' illnesses were making him sick, that I needed to stop babying Little m and put him in his crib (more on this later), his mom still hadn't received photos from our trip, and so on...He failed to see that we had moved two weeks before we went on vacation. While he returned from vacation, I was visiting with family and friends in the Bluegrass. Overall, I was away for almost three weeks. The boys got sick on the trip and only napped in the car or in bed next to me (read: I got little to no sleep for two weeks straight). Neither Big M nor Little m had been eating much with their illnesses, so Little m only wanted to nurse (read: it is exhausting making enough nourishments to feed a nearly 12 month old, but I love that I can provide it and it comforts him). I have carpal tunnel syndrome and tennis elbow--which are both strained by holding 24+ pounds of baby most of the day. Overall, sleep deprivation and constant aches and pains are both physically and mentally exhausted and nothing I do seems to be good enough.
Nothing I do seems to matter. I feel like DH is my third child. So long as his needs are met--above our children's needs--he is moderately content. He comes home from work and critiques me on every little thing and informs me on how his way is so much better--as if I have time to constantly appease him. He refuses to help me bathe the boys and the only way he feeds them is if it is something quick and easy (and minimally messy) that they can feed themselves (read: cereal bars, crackers, etc. When the baby cries, he almost always thinks he is hungry and wants to nurse, but then he complains that the baby almost always wants me to hold him. He offers to take Big M to school (part time--hooray), but only if I rush to feed him breakfast, dress him, and pack his lunch. To me, it feels like my job it to make DH's life easier. Is it selfish to think that I should be granted equal respect?
Why is it my job to constantly sacrifice myself and put my own needs last? When I try to speak with DH, he twists things around and tries to make me feel guilty for needing some alone time. We have no extra money (I currently have $12 in checking and he made me clear out my savings account--a whopping $300--to pay bills). We rent a very nice house and drive nice cars, but we use most of his monthly income for it. I do not understand why we have to have the big house and nice cars if we cannot afford them and he refuses to pay anyone for the upkeep (I am free labor, right?!?). Why do we ever need a date night or time away from the kids to connect when we can constantly bicker and take one another for granted?!?
Things really need to change before I become any more resentful and bitter than I already am. I need a partner who treats me like an equal (or at least close to it), who treats me with respect and does not call me names or belittle me to get what he wants, and who respects my opinion enough to listen to logic and not back us into impossibly stressful situations that aren't necessary. I need a partner to swallow his pride and occasionally do things that make him uncomfortable (read: exercising and eating well to improve his quality of life, taking time for himself and letting his mind rest on occasion, taking time to enjoy his kids playing and ignoring that it might be something
he doesn't want to do.) I need a partner who can find happiness in the little things in life and not always seem like he is miserable. Misery is difficult to be with and can make it hard to be relaxed and happy.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
An Anniversary of Something I'd Like to Forget
Fall is starting to peek its head around the corner here. The mornings and nights are cooler and there are fewer tourists here. This week Big M started a new school three days a week after staying home all summer. Little m and I are getting into a routine while Big M gets some much needed peer time and Mommy gets a bit of a break from one of her two busy little rugrats. I have the kids 99% of the time and D is still working like a mad man. Regardless of the hustle and bustle, I am optimistic that this fall will be our turning point to settle in and enjoy more family time on the Cape.
I absolutely love this time of year. The fall marks the start of school, Halloween, and Thanksgiving--my favorite holiday. Back to school reminds me of my first semester at the University of Kentucky back in 1996. Working at UK until last November when Little m was born kept me in the loop with the academic calendar. As much as I loved seeing new students, I did not like the traffic that they brought with them and will not miss it. This is the first fall in 15 years that I have been away from Lexington. I kinda miss the Big Blue Nation and fall football tailgating.
This weekend marks a very tragic and eventful occurrence in American history. September 11, 2001 was a horrific day for all Americans, especially for those who lost a friend or family member. It is difficult to fathom that this is the tenth anniversary of 9/11, for I can remember it just like it happened last week or last month. My heart goes out to all those who lost someone during 9/11.
As much as I love the fall, it wasn't always this way for me...The fall, 9/11, and this time of year in general have weighed on me for other reasons. The dreaded 9/11 is very personal to me for another reason that started back in 1993. I was 15 and a sophomore in high school in a small town in Kentucky. My parents were divorced and I lived with my father and brothers. My dad liked to make our weekends together very special and our Saturday night ritual usually consisted of dinner, a movie, and then a trip to the grocery or occasionally shopping at the mall in a larger town nearby. We spent quality time together and it was great. He often let me bring along a friend so I wouldn't feel like a total teenage dork out with her father on a Saturday night.
Saturday, September 11, 1993 was not much different from any other Saturday, or at least it didn't start out to be. Dad took another girl and I out for the evening and then she convinced him to let me stay at her house for the night. We had alternate plans of which my father knew nothing. He didn't usually like me to stay overnight because he couldn't protect me or trust me, but for some reason he liked this girl and he trusted her.
I remember going to another guy's house where he was having a small get together. He had graduated high school, as had many of his friends, and there were also quite a few high school girls. There was alcohol at the party. This wasn't the first time I had drank, nor would it be the last. I was 15 (this pivotal age keeps repeating itself in my head. As a mother, I realize that I was still a child at 15 and had no business drinking). I was 15 and I was drinking some sort of bourbon or whiskey. There were older guys there, as I had already mentioned, and many of the girls were acquaintances and not necessarily friends of mine.
I remember a guy that I had a crush on being at the party. We never really spoke much because I was shy around guys. Once I got a few drinks in me I became rather uninhibited and became really chatty and outgoing. My crush had a friend there "L" who kept trying to get my attention, especially after I drunkenly confessed that I was a virgin and I wanted to stay that way until I was married--hey, I was a Catholic girl in a rural, conservative town in the South. That is what every respectful Catholic girl did, right? I remember feeling sick and trying to get to the bathroom. A couple was in there fooling around and I couldn't get in the bathroom in time. "L" offered to take me outside to get some fresh air after I vomited all over the floor. What a valiant guy!
Many of the events that happened after this are still a bit fuzzy for me. I remember the cool fall air on the face. I remember an RV being parked outside. I remember getting something from L's truck. I remember going into the RV. I remember L climbing on top of me. I don't remember kissing him. I remember L being naked. I remember pain. I remember blacking out. Then I remember being dropped off in the wee hours of the night at the girl's house by the guy who had the party. I remember trying to tell her what happened and her being excited that I had lost my virginity. I remember being really confused because I was not at all excited. I felt guilty, used, and very confused.
I went home the next day very hungover and laid in my bed the rest of the day. I was too young and too embarrassed to tell an adult what had happened. I was surrounded by a house full of guys. All I heard them talk about was girls and sex. In a small town, if you are drinking and you have sex then you probably wanted it. I thought it was my fault and I deserved it.
I dove into depression for at least six months. I did not want another guy to touch me. I was damaged goods. I was no longer a virgin and was not good enough for anyone else. I kept all of these emotions inside me and shared them with no one else. I went about my life on the outside business as usual while I stopped studying because I could no longer concentrate and my self-esteem and self-worth plummeted. All anyone else knew was that I was drunk and had sex. I still made good grades and was a cheerleader. I was popular and still snuck away to parties to drink. I didn't even realize that I had been raped. I was raped! It actually took me ten years, yes, ten years to fully understand that I was raped. I spent ten years being depressed and hiding behind alcohol to justify any stupid thing I did. I was a mess and I hid it well.
At age 25, I went to the doctor for a physical and was asked a series of questions. One of the questions pertained to rape. I answered in the affirmative. She asked if I had ever received counseling for it and I answered no. She then asked if I would like to receive counseling for rape and I answered yes. That's all it took; someone just had to ask. I then received the counseling that I needed to understand what had happened, why it had happened, and why it shouldn't define me or my worth.
Let this be a cautionary tale to all you mothers and fathers who may read this! Know your kid's friends. Know their families. Regardless of what you are experiencing in your personal life, be it single or married, be involved and aware of who your kids are spending their time with and what they are doing. Do not be so wrapped up in your own depression, etc. that you ignore who your daughters or sons befriend. I had every intention of getting drunk that night. I had lied to my father. I had chosen to hang out with someone who was known to have a reputation. I was going to a party with much older guys. And I was a virgin. I was too young to understand the repercussions of the choice I had made to drink at a party with older guys.
It was unfortunate that it took ten years for me to acknowledge that my first sexual experience was rape and I made a lot of poor choices in the ten years that followed, but I learned from them and have since moved on in my life. I had a lot of regrets in my life, but now I look back and am glad they are all behind me. I have learned to be accountable for my actions and to surround myself with positive, encouraging, well-intentioned people so that I may encourage my children to make good choices and treat others kindly. I want my sons to respect girls and be well adjusted men one day.
I have chosen not to let this anniversary define me. I will not forget it because it did happen to me, but I will reflect on it a bit and leave it in the past. I have chosen to be happy and to take back the fall to enjoy all of the great things it offers. I have a husband and two beautiful boys who I love very much. I am very blessed and fortunate this fall and am looking forward to many more.
I absolutely love this time of year. The fall marks the start of school, Halloween, and Thanksgiving--my favorite holiday. Back to school reminds me of my first semester at the University of Kentucky back in 1996. Working at UK until last November when Little m was born kept me in the loop with the academic calendar. As much as I loved seeing new students, I did not like the traffic that they brought with them and will not miss it. This is the first fall in 15 years that I have been away from Lexington. I kinda miss the Big Blue Nation and fall football tailgating.
This weekend marks a very tragic and eventful occurrence in American history. September 11, 2001 was a horrific day for all Americans, especially for those who lost a friend or family member. It is difficult to fathom that this is the tenth anniversary of 9/11, for I can remember it just like it happened last week or last month. My heart goes out to all those who lost someone during 9/11.
As much as I love the fall, it wasn't always this way for me...The fall, 9/11, and this time of year in general have weighed on me for other reasons. The dreaded 9/11 is very personal to me for another reason that started back in 1993. I was 15 and a sophomore in high school in a small town in Kentucky. My parents were divorced and I lived with my father and brothers. My dad liked to make our weekends together very special and our Saturday night ritual usually consisted of dinner, a movie, and then a trip to the grocery or occasionally shopping at the mall in a larger town nearby. We spent quality time together and it was great. He often let me bring along a friend so I wouldn't feel like a total teenage dork out with her father on a Saturday night.
Saturday, September 11, 1993 was not much different from any other Saturday, or at least it didn't start out to be. Dad took another girl and I out for the evening and then she convinced him to let me stay at her house for the night. We had alternate plans of which my father knew nothing. He didn't usually like me to stay overnight because he couldn't protect me or trust me, but for some reason he liked this girl and he trusted her.
I remember going to another guy's house where he was having a small get together. He had graduated high school, as had many of his friends, and there were also quite a few high school girls. There was alcohol at the party. This wasn't the first time I had drank, nor would it be the last. I was 15 (this pivotal age keeps repeating itself in my head. As a mother, I realize that I was still a child at 15 and had no business drinking). I was 15 and I was drinking some sort of bourbon or whiskey. There were older guys there, as I had already mentioned, and many of the girls were acquaintances and not necessarily friends of mine.
I remember a guy that I had a crush on being at the party. We never really spoke much because I was shy around guys. Once I got a few drinks in me I became rather uninhibited and became really chatty and outgoing. My crush had a friend there "L" who kept trying to get my attention, especially after I drunkenly confessed that I was a virgin and I wanted to stay that way until I was married--hey, I was a Catholic girl in a rural, conservative town in the South. That is what every respectful Catholic girl did, right? I remember feeling sick and trying to get to the bathroom. A couple was in there fooling around and I couldn't get in the bathroom in time. "L" offered to take me outside to get some fresh air after I vomited all over the floor. What a valiant guy!
Many of the events that happened after this are still a bit fuzzy for me. I remember the cool fall air on the face. I remember an RV being parked outside. I remember getting something from L's truck. I remember going into the RV. I remember L climbing on top of me. I don't remember kissing him. I remember L being naked. I remember pain. I remember blacking out. Then I remember being dropped off in the wee hours of the night at the girl's house by the guy who had the party. I remember trying to tell her what happened and her being excited that I had lost my virginity. I remember being really confused because I was not at all excited. I felt guilty, used, and very confused.
I went home the next day very hungover and laid in my bed the rest of the day. I was too young and too embarrassed to tell an adult what had happened. I was surrounded by a house full of guys. All I heard them talk about was girls and sex. In a small town, if you are drinking and you have sex then you probably wanted it. I thought it was my fault and I deserved it.
I dove into depression for at least six months. I did not want another guy to touch me. I was damaged goods. I was no longer a virgin and was not good enough for anyone else. I kept all of these emotions inside me and shared them with no one else. I went about my life on the outside business as usual while I stopped studying because I could no longer concentrate and my self-esteem and self-worth plummeted. All anyone else knew was that I was drunk and had sex. I still made good grades and was a cheerleader. I was popular and still snuck away to parties to drink. I didn't even realize that I had been raped. I was raped! It actually took me ten years, yes, ten years to fully understand that I was raped. I spent ten years being depressed and hiding behind alcohol to justify any stupid thing I did. I was a mess and I hid it well.
At age 25, I went to the doctor for a physical and was asked a series of questions. One of the questions pertained to rape. I answered in the affirmative. She asked if I had ever received counseling for it and I answered no. She then asked if I would like to receive counseling for rape and I answered yes. That's all it took; someone just had to ask. I then received the counseling that I needed to understand what had happened, why it had happened, and why it shouldn't define me or my worth.
Let this be a cautionary tale to all you mothers and fathers who may read this! Know your kid's friends. Know their families. Regardless of what you are experiencing in your personal life, be it single or married, be involved and aware of who your kids are spending their time with and what they are doing. Do not be so wrapped up in your own depression, etc. that you ignore who your daughters or sons befriend. I had every intention of getting drunk that night. I had lied to my father. I had chosen to hang out with someone who was known to have a reputation. I was going to a party with much older guys. And I was a virgin. I was too young to understand the repercussions of the choice I had made to drink at a party with older guys.
It was unfortunate that it took ten years for me to acknowledge that my first sexual experience was rape and I made a lot of poor choices in the ten years that followed, but I learned from them and have since moved on in my life. I had a lot of regrets in my life, but now I look back and am glad they are all behind me. I have learned to be accountable for my actions and to surround myself with positive, encouraging, well-intentioned people so that I may encourage my children to make good choices and treat others kindly. I want my sons to respect girls and be well adjusted men one day.
I have chosen not to let this anniversary define me. I will not forget it because it did happen to me, but I will reflect on it a bit and leave it in the past. I have chosen to be happy and to take back the fall to enjoy all of the great things it offers. I have a husband and two beautiful boys who I love very much. I am very blessed and fortunate this fall and am looking forward to many more.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
It's May Already?
Hello all! We've moved (again) and are starting to get settled. Still waiting for our house to sell, so we are in a pet-friendly lease to purchase house. That's right. After three months of living in a furnished house, we moved again and have reunited with our fur babies.
Both boys (M&m) have been busy in Massachusetts. Big M started nursery school in March. His age group goes two days a week for about six hours a day. We also joined the local YMCA when Little turned three months old--allowing me to put both boys in child watch while I released some endorphins! Big M has already finished his first swim class at the Y and he loved it!
D really likes his new job, but it has kept him very busy and away from us more than we anticipated. D has been traveling a lot lately, so I have been a single mom. His trips are usually a week in length, so I do what I can to keep Big M busy while continuing to nurse Little m. As long as Big M is busy moving, working a puzzle, watching a video, playing on the iPhone or iPad, or playing with trains he is happy. If he gets bored, he climbs, tries to escape, or help himself to something out of reach; he is very, very smart and busy!
Little m started eating solids last week and he has loved it. He's been ready for a few weeks (grabbing my cup or plate when I ate or drank anything), but I wanted us to move before starting him on rice cereal. After his second bite, he grabbed the spoon and tried to feed himself. He is teething and hungry. D set up Little m's crib after we moved, so I am getting him acclimated to his own bed and hopefully getting him out of ours! He has napped a few times successfully and slept one full night in his crib, but his swollen gums have upset him and the transition is a continuing work in progress. I am looking forward to a few good night's sleep in a row...
That's about it for now. The boys and two moves have kept me extremely busy. Let me know if you would like to visit us in the Cape. The weather is mild and we are walking distance to a recreational pond.
My apologies if I haven't responded to an email or call. It's been pretty hectic with two moves, two kids, two cats, and two dogs...too bad there isn't two of me. Please keep in touch and I will do better about doing the same on my end. Big hugs!
Please note, regarding blog updates and photo sharing: I typed this on my iPhone (it's a lot easier to hold than a laptop when nursing a baby) and will share photos and videos when I am near a computer--you know, in my spare time!
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| Big M and Riley |
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| Big M and Lucky |
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| Big M even rationed his Cheerios to share with the dogs |
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| Jonesy (napping on my sweaters) |
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| Wiccey (testing out Little m's crib) |
Both boys (M&m) have been busy in Massachusetts. Big M started nursery school in March. His age group goes two days a week for about six hours a day. We also joined the local YMCA when Little turned three months old--allowing me to put both boys in child watch while I released some endorphins! Big M has already finished his first swim class at the Y and he loved it!
D really likes his new job, but it has kept him very busy and away from us more than we anticipated. D has been traveling a lot lately, so I have been a single mom. His trips are usually a week in length, so I do what I can to keep Big M busy while continuing to nurse Little m. As long as Big M is busy moving, working a puzzle, watching a video, playing on the iPhone or iPad, or playing with trains he is happy. If he gets bored, he climbs, tries to escape, or help himself to something out of reach; he is very, very smart and busy!
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| M&m playing in the Thomas tent (m is still adjusting to the flash) |
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| M lining up the cookie cutters (an animal train) |
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| M playing with trains |
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| M&m having tummy time |
Little m started eating solids last week and he has loved it. He's been ready for a few weeks (grabbing my cup or plate when I ate or drank anything), but I wanted us to move before starting him on rice cereal. After his second bite, he grabbed the spoon and tried to feed himself. He is teething and hungry. D set up Little m's crib after we moved, so I am getting him acclimated to his own bed and hopefully getting him out of ours! He has napped a few times successfully and slept one full night in his crib, but his swollen gums have upset him and the transition is a continuing work in progress. I am looking forward to a few good night's sleep in a row...
That's about it for now. The boys and two moves have kept me extremely busy. Let me know if you would like to visit us in the Cape. The weather is mild and we are walking distance to a recreational pond.
My apologies if I haven't responded to an email or call. It's been pretty hectic with two moves, two kids, two cats, and two dogs...too bad there isn't two of me. Please keep in touch and I will do better about doing the same on my end. Big hugs!
Please note, regarding blog updates and photo sharing: I typed this on my iPhone (it's a lot easier to hold than a laptop when nursing a baby) and will share photos and videos when I am near a computer--you know, in my spare time!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
On the Road Again...and Under Pressure
What a crazy week it's been here. We found out last Friday that moving will come a month earlier for us. We have to be out of our rental by the end of the month and D is traveling a lot this month. We were originally supposed to stay through May, but our landlady sold her second home and the family needs a place to stay for Memorial Day weekend near the ocean. Yes, this is their summer rental--AKA third house. What a predicament for them, right?!?
We would like to find a place that allows pets so they can join us from where they are kenneled out of state. Also, we cannot buy until our house sells in KY so this might not be our last move.
We have spent the last two weekends looking at houses. We would prefer to not move again, so we are looking at lease to buy options--which are few. We are also hoping to buy something that will not require many upgrades or maintenance, as we really do not have the time or money to do so at this time.
This situation has put a lot of stress and pressure on us. On top of D's work, caring for two kids and household responsibilities, following rental and real estate leads, and negotiating between realtors, this leaves little to no time for us to connect. It is ironic how we tend to push the buttons of those we love the most and hold so near and dear to our hearts when under pressure. Alas, there is at least a month of stress and more major changes coming for us.
I am trying to focus on the kids and not think too much about everything else. As difficult as it is, I need to try and remain calm for my hubby and the kids. Life isn't going to stop for us, so it's best to make the most of the situation. I love my husband and I love my boys. We are going to get through this and will be better off in the end. There is an end in sight and I look forward to getting there very soon.
Dory: Hey there, Mr. Grumpy Gills. When life gets you down do you wanna know what you've gotta do?
Marlin: No I don't wanna know.
Dory: [singing] Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim.
Marlin: Dory, no singing.
Dory: [continuing] Ha, ha, ha, ha, ho. I love to swim. When you want to swim you want to swim.
Marlin: Now I'm stuck with that song... Now it's in my head.
Dory: Sorry.
Finding Nemo (2003)
Marlin: No I don't wanna know.
Dory: [singing] Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim.
Marlin: Dory, no singing.
Dory: [continuing] Ha, ha, ha, ha, ho. I love to swim. When you want to swim you want to swim.
Marlin: Now I'm stuck with that song... Now it's in my head.
Dory: Sorry.
Finding Nemo (2003)
Monday, March 28, 2011
What's Going On?
Sorry I've been MIA lately. It's been quite hectic. Here's a bit of what's been going on around here.
The carpal tunnel syndrome and tennis elbow that I had while pregnant has not subsided. I joined the local YMCA a few weeks ago in hopes that exercise would help, but I actually feel worse. I'm trying various exercises and also NDAIDS and stretches. It worries me that the pain and numbness might be much worse when I'm older. Big M is over 40 pounds and is starting to look like a little man. Little m is 17 pounds and long. My neck constantly hurts from nursing and from lifting them. My big fellas are both very sweet though. ;-D
We've all been sick here. Big M was sick about four weeks ago. The rest of us got sick a few weeks ago. I took Little m to the doctor twice at the onset of his illness just to avoid another hospital stay. It's viral, so there's nothing to do but make him comfortable. It's very similar to the bug we had in January, but Little m has managed to cough up the mucous and not strain to breath. We have all had hacking coughs and our ears and nose have been congested. I look forward to feeling better and getting some sleep soon.
Big M has been in nursery school almost a month. He goes twice a week and seems to like it. I opted for extended days so he can get more interaction, as he bores easily with me. He really likes the older kids' afternoon room because it has a wooden train set. The playground has sand and the weather has been nice, so he's been outside a lot. He loves playing outside and is very much in a train phase right now.
Big M also likes the child watch at the YMCA. He really likes being around other kids. We started swimming lessons and he really likes the pool. I started leaving his vest off so he wouldn't have a false sense of security and will get used to his own buoyancy. It is vital to keep him busy and I have finally found some successful activities for him.
Got him some wipe off pre-K books and a book with accompanying music. I am hoping he will start sitting down a bit for me, even though he is only two. He tends to learn more via interactive toys and songs, so I am going to try some new tactics. The sit down and learn trick didn't cut it for him and it frustrated me. He's much too smart and busy for this! He really likes to hum and sing, so I will incorporate music into the lesson.
We have only had two house showings. I don't think they have actually had an open house yet! I am disappointed with our realtor. A lot of their actions are automated and they don't seem to know what is going on; also a lack of communication between personnel and a slow follow up. Many of the things they told us never happened. We are getting nervous, as our rental house is booked for May and the rental prices go up five fold or more during the peak season. Also, I miss the cats and dogs so much. Big M was actually looking for the cats in the basement the other day. He gets excited every time we see a dog or cat. I wish we were in a house of our own, weren't living out of boxes, and had our critters with us.
Are you still awake or did I put you to sleep? Here are some photos to make you smile.
"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."
-Winston Churchill
"If you are going through hell, keep going."
-Winston Churchill
The carpal tunnel syndrome and tennis elbow that I had while pregnant has not subsided. I joined the local YMCA a few weeks ago in hopes that exercise would help, but I actually feel worse. I'm trying various exercises and also NDAIDS and stretches. It worries me that the pain and numbness might be much worse when I'm older. Big M is over 40 pounds and is starting to look like a little man. Little m is 17 pounds and long. My neck constantly hurts from nursing and from lifting them. My big fellas are both very sweet though. ;-D
We've all been sick here. Big M was sick about four weeks ago. The rest of us got sick a few weeks ago. I took Little m to the doctor twice at the onset of his illness just to avoid another hospital stay. It's viral, so there's nothing to do but make him comfortable. It's very similar to the bug we had in January, but Little m has managed to cough up the mucous and not strain to breath. We have all had hacking coughs and our ears and nose have been congested. I look forward to feeling better and getting some sleep soon.
Big M has been in nursery school almost a month. He goes twice a week and seems to like it. I opted for extended days so he can get more interaction, as he bores easily with me. He really likes the older kids' afternoon room because it has a wooden train set. The playground has sand and the weather has been nice, so he's been outside a lot. He loves playing outside and is very much in a train phase right now.
Big M also likes the child watch at the YMCA. He really likes being around other kids. We started swimming lessons and he really likes the pool. I started leaving his vest off so he wouldn't have a false sense of security and will get used to his own buoyancy. It is vital to keep him busy and I have finally found some successful activities for him.
Got him some wipe off pre-K books and a book with accompanying music. I am hoping he will start sitting down a bit for me, even though he is only two. He tends to learn more via interactive toys and songs, so I am going to try some new tactics. The sit down and learn trick didn't cut it for him and it frustrated me. He's much too smart and busy for this! He really likes to hum and sing, so I will incorporate music into the lesson.
We have only had two house showings. I don't think they have actually had an open house yet! I am disappointed with our realtor. A lot of their actions are automated and they don't seem to know what is going on; also a lack of communication between personnel and a slow follow up. Many of the things they told us never happened. We are getting nervous, as our rental house is booked for May and the rental prices go up five fold or more during the peak season. Also, I miss the cats and dogs so much. Big M was actually looking for the cats in the basement the other day. He gets excited every time we see a dog or cat. I wish we were in a house of our own, weren't living out of boxes, and had our critters with us.
Are you still awake or did I put you to sleep? Here are some photos to make you smile.
-Winston Churchill
"If you are going through hell, keep going."
-Winston Churchill
Friday, March 25, 2011
In Search of Vanilla
Tonight is my FIRST outing since Little m arrived. It is a planned outing with ladies, no kids, and no husbands. The theme is karaoke and wine. I am so excited!
I plan to bring cookies. Nursing a baby always leaves me craving sweets, so I might as well bring enough to share. Never go to someone's home empty handed, right?
One of the simplest cookies to make is no bake cookies. There are about eight ingredients and no baking required. In addition, it contains two of my favorite ingredients: chocolate and oatmeal.
The boys were sleeping, so now was the time to make the cookies. I removed the butter from the fridge to soften (an ideal trick for successful baking) and then proceeded to lay out the other ingredients. Then came the vanilla. I hadn't yet found the vanilla among the multitude of boxes in the basement. How hard could it be to find a bottle of vanilla?
I walked to the basement and began sifting through kitchen boxes. After finding other items I had previously needed--Equal, toddler containers, plastic bags, etc.--I realized that I had been through all of the "kitchen, dry goods" boxes. I had probably sifted through about ten boxes and still didn't have any vanilla.
In the meantime, Big M was awake and screaming at the top of his lungs. I'd better rush upstairs so he doesn't wake Little m. Big M was wide awake and hungry. I changed his diaper and prepared him a snack. Shortly thereafter Little m awoke. Time for another diaper change and a feeding. So much for making cookies.
An hour later and I am hoping to run to the store for vanilla. Time to load up the kids and be on my way. If I'm lucky, I will get back in time to make the cookies, pump milk for Little m, and possibly get myself ready for the evening. Here's to wishful thinking. I'll let you know how it all pans out for me. Stay tuned!
In addition to a vanilla quote, I am sharing a sound clip:
"I'll have a vanilla... one of those vanilla [expletive] things. You know, whatever you want, some vanilla [expletive] latte cappa thing. Whatever you got."
-Larry David
Source: http://www.famousquotesabout.com/on/Vanilla#ixzz1Hdk2g094
What Up Vanilla Face Sound Clip and Quote
I plan to bring cookies. Nursing a baby always leaves me craving sweets, so I might as well bring enough to share. Never go to someone's home empty handed, right?
One of the simplest cookies to make is no bake cookies. There are about eight ingredients and no baking required. In addition, it contains two of my favorite ingredients: chocolate and oatmeal.
The boys were sleeping, so now was the time to make the cookies. I removed the butter from the fridge to soften (an ideal trick for successful baking) and then proceeded to lay out the other ingredients. Then came the vanilla. I hadn't yet found the vanilla among the multitude of boxes in the basement. How hard could it be to find a bottle of vanilla?
I walked to the basement and began sifting through kitchen boxes. After finding other items I had previously needed--Equal, toddler containers, plastic bags, etc.--I realized that I had been through all of the "kitchen, dry goods" boxes. I had probably sifted through about ten boxes and still didn't have any vanilla.
In the meantime, Big M was awake and screaming at the top of his lungs. I'd better rush upstairs so he doesn't wake Little m. Big M was wide awake and hungry. I changed his diaper and prepared him a snack. Shortly thereafter Little m awoke. Time for another diaper change and a feeding. So much for making cookies.
An hour later and I am hoping to run to the store for vanilla. Time to load up the kids and be on my way. If I'm lucky, I will get back in time to make the cookies, pump milk for Little m, and possibly get myself ready for the evening. Here's to wishful thinking. I'll let you know how it all pans out for me. Stay tuned!
In addition to a vanilla quote, I am sharing a sound clip:
"I'll have a vanilla... one of those vanilla [expletive] things. You know, whatever you want, some vanilla [expletive] latte cappa thing. Whatever you got."
-Larry David
Source: http://www.famousquotesabout.com/on/Vanilla#ixzz1Hdk2g094
What Up Vanilla Face Sound Clip and Quote
Saturday, March 12, 2011
More Chocolate
Big M was invited to a birthday party today. It was his friend's third birthday. The theme was Caillou. M had so much fun!
We arrived to a parade. Everyone was dressed in a costume. M played pin the tail on Gilbert (Caillou's cat). The birthday boy's mom is a teacher by training, so she had lots of fun activities planned for the kids.
It was so cute to watch the kids eat their cupcakes. There was a cupcake sitting in front of each kid. Watching the kids wait in anticipation as they waited for the birthday boy to blow out his candles before thy could eat their cupcakes almost looked like torture. They were almost sitting on their hands trying not to lunge at the sweet goodness sitting in front of them.
Everyone had fun at the birthday party. Little m slept through the entire thing. Big M fell asleep as soon as he got in the car. Upon waking, M opened his party favor bag and discovered M&M's. He learned that they melt in your mouth and your hand:
"There's nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with chocolate."
-Linda Grayson
We arrived to a parade. Everyone was dressed in a costume. M played pin the tail on Gilbert (Caillou's cat). The birthday boy's mom is a teacher by training, so she had lots of fun activities planned for the kids.
It was so cute to watch the kids eat their cupcakes. There was a cupcake sitting in front of each kid. Watching the kids wait in anticipation as they waited for the birthday boy to blow out his candles before thy could eat their cupcakes almost looked like torture. They were almost sitting on their hands trying not to lunge at the sweet goodness sitting in front of them.
Everyone had fun at the birthday party. Little m slept through the entire thing. Big M fell asleep as soon as he got in the car. Upon waking, M opened his party favor bag and discovered M&M's. He learned that they melt in your mouth and your hand:
-Linda Grayson
Thursday, March 10, 2011
I Need A Church Buddy
I need a church buddy. I have attempted to go to mass three times since we moved here and all have been minor disasters. It is time for me to find a buddy to help me with the kids.
Last night I took both kids to the Ash Wednesday evening service. First, I was misinformed on the time so we were 30 minutes early. Second, I opted to put Little m in the Baby Bjorn carrier. Third, Big M took a long nap (after skipping one the day before) and needed to physically exert himself. These three mishaps made a recipe for disaster.
Rather than attempt to entertain/contain Big M for 30 minutes, we returned to the car. I let him play in the car while I nursed Little m. Then I got the bright idea that I would put Little m in the baby carrier rather than tote him and the car seat into church. I thought this would free both hands for Big M.
We returned to a rather full church and found a spot near the front. Big M started acting up instantly. He began to throw a fit in the aisle right as the elderly priest approached. The priest told M to be good and mind his mother. M stretched his arms up and gave the priest a great big hug. The congregation gave a big "ahh" in unison. There was no doubt that all eyes were definitely on us--not the first impression I wanted to convey.
M was his usual friendly self. M flirted with the lady behind us. At one point, he tried to climb over the pew to get to her. He climbed into the laps of two other strangers, simply wanting to be held. I tried to hold him on my lap a few times, but he resisted. Guess he wanted my full attention.
We stayed through the ashes. Shortly thereafter M was saying that he wanted to go bye-bye. After hitting his head a few times trying to crawl under the pews. It felt like such a failure on my part and left me frustrated. At least I tried, right?
One of M's classmates was at mass. She was sitting quietly and behaving. Why couldn't my kid behave during mass? I really needed that time to reflect and be reminded of all my blessings. Sometimes my cup runneth over, but at least there is something in my cup.
On top of feeling frustrated, we were all a bit sick. Big M is recovering after two weeks, but still wheezing a bit. Little m is coughing and spitting up some. My throat hurts and a have a rotten cough. Also, D is sick. On top of m coughing in the middle of the night, I awoke to a sore upper torso. Guess the weight of both kids (~60+ lbs) at mass was more than my body could handle. I am hoping ibuprofen kicks in and the pain subsides before tonight's workout. We shall see.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Living Out Of Boxes
When I said that we were currently renting and that ALL of our belonging were boxed up in the basement, I wasn't kidding. Here is proof...
...this gives you a tiny glimpse of the basement. D did a great job organizing the insanity that is all of our possessions. Doesn't make it any easier though.
At least Big M is having fun!
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Swimsuit Season Already?
I woke up this morning feeling a little under the weather. Perhaps I picked up the bug Big M and Little m have been spreading around the house. To top it off, I had to go swimwear shopping.
I couldn't find my one piece swimsuit amidst the vast array of boxes in the basement. Why was I looking for a swimsuit in March? Definitely not for spring break; I need it for Big M's swimming lessons that start next week.
There is nothing I like less than swimsuit shopping. To make the chore a bit less painful, I follow these two rules:
Stand at an angle for a slimming effect
&
Take off socks.
It sounds silly, but these two rules can make all the difference in your self confidence and body image perception.
“Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes.”
-Sophia Loren
“Big or small, fat or thin, all women are beautiful.”
-Cherie K. Erdman
“Women need to celebrate their God-given beauty instead of always trying to be something else.”
-Iman
“Accept who you are; and revel in it.”
-Mitch Albom in Tuesdays with Morrie
Side note (that's for you, Jess): I took Big M on a trial run this week in the small pool. I found various swimwear that was repulsed by my post baby, post moving, fitness deprived, and poor diet body. What I thought was a good idea was a black maternity swim tank and black bottoms. The lighting is apparently very poor at the rental, for when I got dressed at the YMCA I realized how awful I looked. The top was so big that it hid the bottoms! In addition, M grabbed onto the strap and untied the top. I then realized that I needed a more toddler-friendly bathing suit.
So off we went to Old Navy. I thought this would be the most affordable swimsuit option, especially this early in the season. There were two one piece styles and one tankini style. After trying on all three, I settled for the one piece and the tankini top--the bottom covered less than my undies. I kept remind myself that my body was not quite ready for bathing suit season and that I still had time to prepare. I'm going to be in the kiddy pool with other moms and kids. As long as M is happy, nothing else matters.
I couldn't find my one piece swimsuit amidst the vast array of boxes in the basement. Why was I looking for a swimsuit in March? Definitely not for spring break; I need it for Big M's swimming lessons that start next week.
There is nothing I like less than swimsuit shopping. To make the chore a bit less painful, I follow these two rules:
Stand at an angle for a slimming effect
&
Take off socks.
It sounds silly, but these two rules can make all the difference in your self confidence and body image perception.
“Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes.”
-Sophia Loren
“Big or small, fat or thin, all women are beautiful.”
-Cherie K. Erdman
“Women need to celebrate their God-given beauty instead of always trying to be something else.”
-Iman
“Accept who you are; and revel in it.”
-Mitch Albom in Tuesdays with Morrie
Side note (that's for you, Jess): I took Big M on a trial run this week in the small pool. I found various swimwear that was repulsed by my post baby, post moving, fitness deprived, and poor diet body. What I thought was a good idea was a black maternity swim tank and black bottoms. The lighting is apparently very poor at the rental, for when I got dressed at the YMCA I realized how awful I looked. The top was so big that it hid the bottoms! In addition, M grabbed onto the strap and untied the top. I then realized that I needed a more toddler-friendly bathing suit.
So off we went to Old Navy. I thought this would be the most affordable swimsuit option, especially this early in the season. There were two one piece styles and one tankini style. After trying on all three, I settled for the one piece and the tankini top--the bottom covered less than my undies. I kept remind myself that my body was not quite ready for bathing suit season and that I still had time to prepare. I'm going to be in the kiddy pool with other moms and kids. As long as M is happy, nothing else matters.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Routines, Fitness, and Finding Balance
Something I have struggled with over the years is finding balance in life. Whether it has been among personal, professional, and spiritual aspects of life or fitness and diet, I have constantly struggled with finding balance.
“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.”
- Albert Einstein
Here is an excerpt from A Balanced Life, Written by Natalie A. Gahrmann:
"Can you really have it all?
That's the question I often get asked by busy working moms who want to be able to work, have a family and take care of themselves. My answer is always 'yes, absolutely'. Finding balance in life is a realistic and important goal. However, sometimes there are glitches and life feels out of control. When this happens it's usually because you are not getting your needs met or you are not aligned with your values. When you're out of integrity life feels out of balance..."
A few personality flaws have added obstacles to my search for a balanced life. Being a perfectionist, I strive to follow things through to the end. This is very unrealistic and can actually be counterintuitive. For example, waiting to clean the office until there is time to organize everything, and I do mean E V E R Y- T H I N G! Another trait associated with perfectionism is procrastinating. This one speaks for itself. Obstacles don't make it impossible to find balance, but rather make it more challenging.
As an educated woman I have wanted to have it all: a happy marriage, a career (not just a job), and a family. Anyone who has ever tried to have all of these has either failed miserably or learned that there are compromises along the way. Not being the primary bread winner--as most women are not--my career path became less important than my husband's career. Also, I chose a humanitarian field rather than a cushy, well-paying field: public health. Hormones also played a role in family-related decisions. When the mothering, nurturing instincts kick in, there is little left to do but go with it and protect your offspring. Unless you can afford a nanny, have the luxury of extended family to assist you, or have a personal assistant, it is virtually impossible to have a successful career and simultaneously raise children alone. Again, as is the case for my husband and me, no nanny, no extended family to assist with the care of the kids, and no personal assistant. I compromised and chose to stay at home with the kids. I didn't even mention the cost of childcare for two+ kids...
Having been in the Bay State for a month now, we have started getting into some routines. It has not been an easy four weeks. I initially wanted to join the YMCA, but could not enlist Little m in childcare until he was three months old. Unfortunately, he was eight weeks old when we moved here so there was nothing left to do but wait. I joined a local moms group through Meetup.com and spent most of my spare time trying to find activities for Big M that coincided around snacks, meals, naps, and Little m's feedings (still nursing every two hours around the clock).
I can sum up my sentiments to these first four weeks of chaos in a few words: frustrating and exhausting. I did not know the area. I hadn't even been to the Cape prior to moving here. I was used to the convenience of things back in the Bluegrass: a diversity of shopping, restaurants, drive thru businesses, and so many flexible options for kids. Also, two year olds can be very unpredictable and uncommunicative. Finding an activity that kept Big M stimulated, burned up some of his seemingly endless energy, was age appropriate, and had a few somewhat equally matched kids was such a struggle. I spent my mornings getting all three of us bathed, dressed, fed, and safe (read: very curious toddler) and then had to battle a toddler tantrum before getting us all in the car. We would rush to make the scheduled event, then I would tote everyone inside and chase Big M (as he tended to be an escape artist) all the while watching or holding (and often simultaneously feeding) Little m. Then we would load up in the car and Big M was usually hungry and very tired, so I would battle the challenge of finding a healthy snack to tide him over until we got home. Did I mention that the only drive-thrus in the area are Dunkin' Donuts? Not (m)any healthy options at DD! Did I also mention that I struggled to find a daycare with open enrollment? At the end of the day, I was exhausted and I still had to battle dinnertime and bedtime with Big M as well as through the night feedings with Little m.
Soon thereafter we got into our groove. I learned to either pack a snack or leave snacks in the car. I would change diapers and nurse Little m right before we left. I gave activities a cut off time to avoid overlapping lunch and nap times. I found places to get a little physical activity, such as mall walking or even walking through the grocery aisles. I purchased a child harness and began using it to wear out Big M a bit when we ran errands. He loved it and I would put him in the double stroller when he got tired. Did I mention that Big M is over 40 pounds? Carrying him and Little m (often in a car seat) did wonders to my neck, back, carpal tunnel syndrome, and tennis elbow. Although going bye-bye was a challenge, it was nothing compared to the battles I had if we stayed home.
Little m turned three months old on Sunday. That day, we joined the YMCA. At last, I would get a few minutes to myself for some fitness that my body had been craving! Now all that was left to do was reserve child care (only available during 9am-12pm and 5-7:30pm and limited to 1.5 hours at a time), find a class that coincided with child care hours, get everyone ready, and we were set. This week we went to the Y three times: I tried zumba and cardio kickboxing classes that both kicked my out-of-shape butt and then I took Big M to the small pool. Big M starts swim lessons next week and we are very excited!
I am not sure if we are adjusting to things or if I am just getting used to the checklist of items required to go anywhere, but it is all starting to fall into place. Big M usually asks to go bye-bye every day--such a social butterfly--and today is the first day he wanted to stay home all week. My body aches from workouts, but I am optimistic that next week will be easier than this week. We found a nursery school for Big M. He started this week (two half days). Nursery school and the Y have made all the difference as we begin our second month in the Cape.
Finding balance in life will continue to be an ongoing challenge. A challenge I will welcome gladly every day. Rather than look at it as a challenge, I will regard it as an adventure. Routines will continue to change and need modifications as my boys grow. Looking at my smiling baby's face or hearing my toddler say "I love you, Mommy" make it all worthwhile. Let the adventures continue!
“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.”
- Albert Einstein
Here is an excerpt from A Balanced Life, Written by Natalie A. Gahrmann:
"Can you really have it all?
That's the question I often get asked by busy working moms who want to be able to work, have a family and take care of themselves. My answer is always 'yes, absolutely'. Finding balance in life is a realistic and important goal. However, sometimes there are glitches and life feels out of control. When this happens it's usually because you are not getting your needs met or you are not aligned with your values. When you're out of integrity life feels out of balance..."
A few personality flaws have added obstacles to my search for a balanced life. Being a perfectionist, I strive to follow things through to the end. This is very unrealistic and can actually be counterintuitive. For example, waiting to clean the office until there is time to organize everything, and I do mean E V E R Y- T H I N G! Another trait associated with perfectionism is procrastinating. This one speaks for itself. Obstacles don't make it impossible to find balance, but rather make it more challenging.
As an educated woman I have wanted to have it all: a happy marriage, a career (not just a job), and a family. Anyone who has ever tried to have all of these has either failed miserably or learned that there are compromises along the way. Not being the primary bread winner--as most women are not--my career path became less important than my husband's career. Also, I chose a humanitarian field rather than a cushy, well-paying field: public health. Hormones also played a role in family-related decisions. When the mothering, nurturing instincts kick in, there is little left to do but go with it and protect your offspring. Unless you can afford a nanny, have the luxury of extended family to assist you, or have a personal assistant, it is virtually impossible to have a successful career and simultaneously raise children alone. Again, as is the case for my husband and me, no nanny, no extended family to assist with the care of the kids, and no personal assistant. I compromised and chose to stay at home with the kids. I didn't even mention the cost of childcare for two+ kids...
Having been in the Bay State for a month now, we have started getting into some routines. It has not been an easy four weeks. I initially wanted to join the YMCA, but could not enlist Little m in childcare until he was three months old. Unfortunately, he was eight weeks old when we moved here so there was nothing left to do but wait. I joined a local moms group through Meetup.com and spent most of my spare time trying to find activities for Big M that coincided around snacks, meals, naps, and Little m's feedings (still nursing every two hours around the clock).
I can sum up my sentiments to these first four weeks of chaos in a few words: frustrating and exhausting. I did not know the area. I hadn't even been to the Cape prior to moving here. I was used to the convenience of things back in the Bluegrass: a diversity of shopping, restaurants, drive thru businesses, and so many flexible options for kids. Also, two year olds can be very unpredictable and uncommunicative. Finding an activity that kept Big M stimulated, burned up some of his seemingly endless energy, was age appropriate, and had a few somewhat equally matched kids was such a struggle. I spent my mornings getting all three of us bathed, dressed, fed, and safe (read: very curious toddler) and then had to battle a toddler tantrum before getting us all in the car. We would rush to make the scheduled event, then I would tote everyone inside and chase Big M (as he tended to be an escape artist) all the while watching or holding (and often simultaneously feeding) Little m. Then we would load up in the car and Big M was usually hungry and very tired, so I would battle the challenge of finding a healthy snack to tide him over until we got home. Did I mention that the only drive-thrus in the area are Dunkin' Donuts? Not (m)any healthy options at DD! Did I also mention that I struggled to find a daycare with open enrollment? At the end of the day, I was exhausted and I still had to battle dinnertime and bedtime with Big M as well as through the night feedings with Little m.
Soon thereafter we got into our groove. I learned to either pack a snack or leave snacks in the car. I would change diapers and nurse Little m right before we left. I gave activities a cut off time to avoid overlapping lunch and nap times. I found places to get a little physical activity, such as mall walking or even walking through the grocery aisles. I purchased a child harness and began using it to wear out Big M a bit when we ran errands. He loved it and I would put him in the double stroller when he got tired. Did I mention that Big M is over 40 pounds? Carrying him and Little m (often in a car seat) did wonders to my neck, back, carpal tunnel syndrome, and tennis elbow. Although going bye-bye was a challenge, it was nothing compared to the battles I had if we stayed home.
Little m turned three months old on Sunday. That day, we joined the YMCA. At last, I would get a few minutes to myself for some fitness that my body had been craving! Now all that was left to do was reserve child care (only available during 9am-12pm and 5-7:30pm and limited to 1.5 hours at a time), find a class that coincided with child care hours, get everyone ready, and we were set. This week we went to the Y three times: I tried zumba and cardio kickboxing classes that both kicked my out-of-shape butt and then I took Big M to the small pool. Big M starts swim lessons next week and we are very excited!
I am not sure if we are adjusting to things or if I am just getting used to the checklist of items required to go anywhere, but it is all starting to fall into place. Big M usually asks to go bye-bye every day--such a social butterfly--and today is the first day he wanted to stay home all week. My body aches from workouts, but I am optimistic that next week will be easier than this week. We found a nursery school for Big M. He started this week (two half days). Nursery school and the Y have made all the difference as we begin our second month in the Cape.
Finding balance in life will continue to be an ongoing challenge. A challenge I will welcome gladly every day. Rather than look at it as a challenge, I will regard it as an adventure. Routines will continue to change and need modifications as my boys grow. Looking at my smiling baby's face or hearing my toddler say "I love you, Mommy" make it all worthwhile. Let the adventures continue!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Who Do You Look To For Advice?
Who do you look to for advice? Do you have a strong support system? Do you turn to family members or close friends? Do you seek guidance from a spiritual source? Do you rely on a professional counselor or therapist?
“Seek advice but use your own common sense.”
-Yiddish Proverb
Something I have discovered over the years is the importance of a strong support system. Once I got through the selfish phase of my teens and early 20s, I started thinking about the person I wanted to be. I realized that I needed to surround myself with positive influences to be a more positive person. Karma became part of my philosophy.* I prefer not to seek revenge, for I know good things happen to good people... Rather than obsess about things that I wasn't proud of that I had done, I chose to leave the past in the past and make teaching moments out of bad situations. I guess I was starting to grow up.
"Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.”
-Anne Frank
It is funny how as a teenager I thought I was an adult at 18. Now I understand that 18 only made me a legal adult. It took many more years for me to become an adult. Now that I am an adult, I have no idea why I was in such a hurry to grow up.
"It's not easy taking my problems one at a time when they refuse to get in line."
-Ashleigh Brilliant
Something else that I discovered was the difference between an acquaintance and a friend. I recall reading an article that mentioned if you have three true friends in life you're doing okay. After being walked on and lead on the wrong path (often willingly) too many times, I began to understand that not all acquaintances were friends. I also began to cherish the friends I had made and appreciate the time I had spent with them, however short or long.. "People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do."
Basically, I have spent my life building my support system. I have not always known who to turn to for advice. I haven't always received the best advice. Due to trial and error, I have learned who to turn to for what specifically and most of all I have learned to follow my heart. My husband taught me to follow my gut. It was the best advice anyone ever gave me. I love my husband and I love my family!
*"In Buddhist teaching, the law of karma, says only this: `for every event that occurs, there will follow another event whose existence was caused by the first, and this second event will be pleasant or unpleasant according as its cause was skillful or unskillful.'..."
“Seek advice but use your own common sense.”
-Yiddish Proverb
Something I have discovered over the years is the importance of a strong support system. Once I got through the selfish phase of my teens and early 20s, I started thinking about the person I wanted to be. I realized that I needed to surround myself with positive influences to be a more positive person. Karma became part of my philosophy.* I prefer not to seek revenge, for I know good things happen to good people... Rather than obsess about things that I wasn't proud of that I had done, I chose to leave the past in the past and make teaching moments out of bad situations. I guess I was starting to grow up.
"Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.”
-Anne Frank
It is funny how as a teenager I thought I was an adult at 18. Now I understand that 18 only made me a legal adult. It took many more years for me to become an adult. Now that I am an adult, I have no idea why I was in such a hurry to grow up.
"It's not easy taking my problems one at a time when they refuse to get in line."
-Ashleigh Brilliant
Something else that I discovered was the difference between an acquaintance and a friend. I recall reading an article that mentioned if you have three true friends in life you're doing okay. After being walked on and lead on the wrong path (often willingly) too many times, I began to understand that not all acquaintances were friends. I also began to cherish the friends I had made and appreciate the time I had spent with them, however short or long.. "People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do."
Basically, I have spent my life building my support system. I have not always known who to turn to for advice. I haven't always received the best advice. Due to trial and error, I have learned who to turn to for what specifically and most of all I have learned to follow my heart. My husband taught me to follow my gut. It was the best advice anyone ever gave me. I love my husband and I love my family!
*"In Buddhist teaching, the law of karma, says only this: `for every event that occurs, there will follow another event whose existence was caused by the first, and this second event will be pleasant or unpleasant according as its cause was skillful or unskillful.'..."
Friday, February 25, 2011
Great Parenting Advice Articles
I love it when things fall in your lap, especially good advice. Lately I have struggled with communicating successfully with my toddler. Thank goodness Parents magazine arrived.
The Toddler Dictionary - Tips on Communicating with Your Toddler
This article was just what I needed. Simple advice to help me communicate with M and remind me that he is just a toddler. Sometimes when I try to explain something to him, I get rather lengthy and I see his eyes roll back in his head. It can be hard to get the point across in just a few words. Self-teaching moment: learn to be a more concise communicator.
Another article I was wishing that the motherly goddesses would write involved simple stretches to ease everyday mommy ailments. After flipping through the pages of Parents, voila:
Feel-Good Moves for Moms
These stretches don't take too much time. I seldom get enough time to carve out for productive exercise, so I try to make the most out of household chores. This is perfect for me! Even M tried to do some of the stretches with me!
Not only is Parents magazine full of great advice and short articles, the Parents web site is just as resourceful! Happy reading fellow moms.
As always, feel free to reply with your own antics and great advice.
The Toddler Dictionary - Tips on Communicating with Your Toddler
This article was just what I needed. Simple advice to help me communicate with M and remind me that he is just a toddler. Sometimes when I try to explain something to him, I get rather lengthy and I see his eyes roll back in his head. It can be hard to get the point across in just a few words. Self-teaching moment: learn to be a more concise communicator.
Another article I was wishing that the motherly goddesses would write involved simple stretches to ease everyday mommy ailments. After flipping through the pages of Parents, voila:
Feel-Good Moves for Moms
These stretches don't take too much time. I seldom get enough time to carve out for productive exercise, so I try to make the most out of household chores. This is perfect for me! Even M tried to do some of the stretches with me!
Not only is Parents magazine full of great advice and short articles, the Parents web site is just as resourceful! Happy reading fellow moms.
As always, feel free to reply with your own antics and great advice.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Making Lemonade Out Of Lemons
First, a great big thank you and a mwah goes out to all of my friends. You have been so supportive and encouraging as I have shared my frustrations and daily nuances of adjusting to a new place. Your kind words have meant so much--and you know who you are. You have helped to make each day a little brighter...and put a great song in my head:
"I get by with a little help from my friends."
-John Lennon
Click to hear the midi music file
“Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.”
-Anonymous
Who knew a social network would be so effective for mommies? Maybe it should be marketed for the baby blues. Being in a new state and knowing no one aside from my husband has made for some long and lonely days. Posting status updates and photos and receiving comments has made it all the less lonely. It's funny how I can feel lonely even though I have two little ones with me at all times. I just miss adult interactions and conversations and perhaps I long for some alone time. Fellow mommies out there: you know exactly what I mean!
"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
-Anais Nin
"Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being."
-Goethe
Alas, I try to look at the positives. At least D has a job. Our family is together. Although we don't get to spend much time together, I cherish each and every minute that we spend together. When I want to pull out my hair because my toddler is being a typical toddler, I put M in his crib and try to step back from the situation by reminding myself that he is only two. About that time, I look at m and he smiles or coos like only a baby does. It is all rewarding when M says "Mommy" or hugs me and says "I love you" or gives me his deep hardy laugh and a big smile! I'm just taking it one day at a time and continuing to make lemonade out of lemons.
"When life hands you lemons... squeeze them into some sweet iced tea and thank God you were born a Southern Girl!"
-Anonymous
"I get by with a little help from my friends."
-John Lennon
..Gotta love The Beatles!
“Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.”
-Anonymous
Who knew a social network would be so effective for mommies? Maybe it should be marketed for the baby blues. Being in a new state and knowing no one aside from my husband has made for some long and lonely days. Posting status updates and photos and receiving comments has made it all the less lonely. It's funny how I can feel lonely even though I have two little ones with me at all times. I just miss adult interactions and conversations and perhaps I long for some alone time. Fellow mommies out there: you know exactly what I mean!
"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
-Anais Nin
"Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being."
-Goethe
Alas, I try to look at the positives. At least D has a job. Our family is together. Although we don't get to spend much time together, I cherish each and every minute that we spend together. When I want to pull out my hair because my toddler is being a typical toddler, I put M in his crib and try to step back from the situation by reminding myself that he is only two. About that time, I look at m and he smiles or coos like only a baby does. It is all rewarding when M says "Mommy" or hugs me and says "I love you" or gives me his deep hardy laugh and a big smile! I'm just taking it one day at a time and continuing to make lemonade out of lemons.
"When life hands you lemons... squeeze them into some sweet iced tea and thank God you were born a Southern Girl!"
-Anonymous
Monday, February 21, 2011
Time-Out For Mommy
Do you ever have one of those days where your toddler will not listen? Or more like one of those weeks? This morning my son has only listened to about half of what I have said. This is probably better than most days, but also very hard for productivity.
"There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want."
-Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes
I got him a snack (more like the other half of his breakfast) after he pushed a chair into the kitchen and tried to climb up to get it himself. I attempted to watch a show on TV for a change--if we aren't watching cartoons, my husband is choosing the program. Once I realized that M was doing everything possible to play loud and distract me, I gave up the notion that I might watch a TV program in its entirety. Then I gave him all of my attention and tried to work with him on numbers. We could not even get through zero! He subsequently began slamming our area heater into the wall. We are currently staying in a rental hoe, mind you, and I would like to keep repairs to a minimum. I them decided that a time-out in the crib was a necessity. Did I mention that at the same time I was carrying around m while he nursed?
"The time to relax is when you don't have time for it."
-Attributed to both Jim Goodwin and Sydney J. Harris
Time outs are for Mommy as much as they are for kids. I do not get much time to myself. Every now and again I get to shower alone (maybe once or twice a week), for usually my toddler climbs in and wants to bathe. I like to call my daily showers my spa time. It isn't really spa time when my child is lying in the tub and I am standing cramped on the other side. I used to enjoy drinking coffee while M played. Nowadays I am usually nursing m and M is climbing on me while I try to chug my coffee. Coffee has become fuel to me. I now drink it throughout the day. Generally it is decaffeinated because I am nursing a baby. Doesn't matter; I still enjoy coffee--regular or decaff. I no longer get to sleep through the night, for our now 11-week-old m continues to eat EVERY TWO HOURS around the clock! If I want to take a "relaxing" walk, I am either pushing a stroller (weigh ~70 lb) or carrying a child. To keep M out of trouble, I am usually carrying m around to nurse or to keep him from crying. To stay sane as a mother of two under three, I try to find joy in the little things in life.
"Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you."
-John De Paola
I really miss some of my former life in the Bluegrass. I miss having M in daycare two to three days per week. it gave me one-on-one time with m and we were starting to establish a decent daily routine. I miss not having almost everything in boxes. M had a playroom with all of his toys and books and it was a separate area that he could play. He had his own space and it was safe. I miss having great friends to stop by for conversation and adult time. I miss having a big yard for M to play. I miss mall walking with a designated play area for kids. I miss our dogs and cats. I miss not having a headache and neck/shoulder/back aches on a daily basis. I miss not being exhausted by 9 am. I miss my comfy bed. Overall, I miss structure and our old routines and am having trouble establishing new ones.
"Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths."
-Etty Hillesum
You've got your hands full! I cannot tell you how many times I hear this expression in a week. Here are a few more: "the first year is the hardest with two" and "they are only little once!" These expressions are reassuring, as they give a finiteness to my current situation, but every day is a struggle. I feel very alone in motherhood, living in a new state where I don't really know anyone but my husband. My husband works late almost every night and has been working on the weekends lately. I know that he wants to get his new job in order, but sometimes I think he just wants to be away from the kids and me. I love being a mother, but it is often very trying. When I hit the wall, I know it's time for a time out for Mommy!
"There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want."
-Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes
I got him a snack (more like the other half of his breakfast) after he pushed a chair into the kitchen and tried to climb up to get it himself. I attempted to watch a show on TV for a change--if we aren't watching cartoons, my husband is choosing the program. Once I realized that M was doing everything possible to play loud and distract me, I gave up the notion that I might watch a TV program in its entirety. Then I gave him all of my attention and tried to work with him on numbers. We could not even get through zero! He subsequently began slamming our area heater into the wall. We are currently staying in a rental hoe, mind you, and I would like to keep repairs to a minimum. I them decided that a time-out in the crib was a necessity. Did I mention that at the same time I was carrying around m while he nursed?
"The time to relax is when you don't have time for it."
-Attributed to both Jim Goodwin and Sydney J. Harris
Time outs are for Mommy as much as they are for kids. I do not get much time to myself. Every now and again I get to shower alone (maybe once or twice a week), for usually my toddler climbs in and wants to bathe. I like to call my daily showers my spa time. It isn't really spa time when my child is lying in the tub and I am standing cramped on the other side. I used to enjoy drinking coffee while M played. Nowadays I am usually nursing m and M is climbing on me while I try to chug my coffee. Coffee has become fuel to me. I now drink it throughout the day. Generally it is decaffeinated because I am nursing a baby. Doesn't matter; I still enjoy coffee--regular or decaff. I no longer get to sleep through the night, for our now 11-week-old m continues to eat EVERY TWO HOURS around the clock! If I want to take a "relaxing" walk, I am either pushing a stroller (weigh ~70 lb) or carrying a child. To keep M out of trouble, I am usually carrying m around to nurse or to keep him from crying. To stay sane as a mother of two under three, I try to find joy in the little things in life.
"Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you."
-John De Paola
I really miss some of my former life in the Bluegrass. I miss having M in daycare two to three days per week. it gave me one-on-one time with m and we were starting to establish a decent daily routine. I miss not having almost everything in boxes. M had a playroom with all of his toys and books and it was a separate area that he could play. He had his own space and it was safe. I miss having great friends to stop by for conversation and adult time. I miss having a big yard for M to play. I miss mall walking with a designated play area for kids. I miss our dogs and cats. I miss not having a headache and neck/shoulder/back aches on a daily basis. I miss not being exhausted by 9 am. I miss my comfy bed. Overall, I miss structure and our old routines and am having trouble establishing new ones.
"Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths."
-Etty Hillesum
You've got your hands full! I cannot tell you how many times I hear this expression in a week. Here are a few more: "the first year is the hardest with two" and "they are only little once!" These expressions are reassuring, as they give a finiteness to my current situation, but every day is a struggle. I feel very alone in motherhood, living in a new state where I don't really know anyone but my husband. My husband works late almost every night and has been working on the weekends lately. I know that he wants to get his new job in order, but sometimes I think he just wants to be away from the kids and me. I love being a mother, but it is often very trying. When I hit the wall, I know it's time for a time out for Mommy!
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Southern Hospitality
Growing up in the South, southern hospitality has always been second nature. I smile at strangers, wave at neighbors, open the door for people, and try to have a generally nice disposition. Moving to the North had me a bit concerned that my new neighbors might not be so friendly. I was especially concerned after visiting Boston for a conference and having the cab my friends and I hailed stolen by some locals! Bad Bean Town reps, bad, bad, bad!
“Because I was born in the South, I’m a Southerner. If I had been born in the North, the West or the Central Plains, I would be just a human being.”
–Clyde Edgerton
“Southern women see no contradiction in mixing strength with gentleness.”
–Sharon McKern
Upon being here a few weeks, I have discovered Cape Cod hospitality. The people here are a different breed: not as course as Bostonians, but rather very welcoming. I don't know if it's because I always have a kid or two with me, but it doesn't hurt. I like friendly people. Mean people suck, right?
For all you Cape Codders out there: thanks for being so kind and welcoming!
“Because I was born in the South, I’m a Southerner. If I had been born in the North, the West or the Central Plains, I would be just a human being.”
–Clyde Edgerton
“Southern women see no contradiction in mixing strength with gentleness.”
–Sharon McKern
Upon being here a few weeks, I have discovered Cape Cod hospitality. The people here are a different breed: not as course as Bostonians, but rather very welcoming. I don't know if it's because I always have a kid or two with me, but it doesn't hurt. I like friendly people. Mean people suck, right?
For all you Cape Codders out there: thanks for being so kind and welcoming!
Welcome
As promised, I have created a blog to share my family's adventures in the Cape. Moving from the Bluegrass state to the Bay state has been a moderate adjustment so far, especially in the cold of winter! It will take some time to acclimate to our new surroundings, but we will get there together.
We relocated to Cape Cod because my husband was offered a job here. We left behind a beautiful custom-built home on almost six acres. We also kenneled our pets: two cats and two dogs. We are renting a furnished home until our house sells. So right now our life is in boxes--in more ways than one!
I hope you enjoy the posts. This is a way for me to stay connected to family and friends in the Bluegrass. Please feel free to leave comments. Happy reading!
We relocated to Cape Cod because my husband was offered a job here. We left behind a beautiful custom-built home on almost six acres. We also kenneled our pets: two cats and two dogs. We are renting a furnished home until our house sells. So right now our life is in boxes--in more ways than one!
I hope you enjoy the posts. This is a way for me to stay connected to family and friends in the Bluegrass. Please feel free to leave comments. Happy reading!
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