What's Going On?

Sorry I've been MIA lately. It's been quite hectic. Here's a bit of what's been going on around here.

The carpal tunnel syndrome and tennis elbow that I had while pregnant has not subsided. I joined the local YMCA a few weeks ago in hopes that exercise would help, but I actually feel worse. I'm trying various exercises and also NDAIDS and stretches. It worries me that the pain and numbness might be much worse when I'm older. Big M is over 40 pounds and is starting to look like a little man. Little m is 17 pounds and long. My neck constantly hurts from nursing and from lifting them. My big fellas are both very sweet though. ;-D

We've all been sick here. Big M was sick about four weeks ago. The rest of us got sick a few weeks ago. I took Little m to the doctor twice at the onset of his illness just to avoid another hospital stay. It's viral, so there's nothing to do but make him comfortable. It's very similar to the bug we had in January, but Little m has managed to cough up the mucous and not strain to breath. We have all had hacking coughs and our ears and nose have been congested. I look forward to feeling better and getting some sleep soon.

Big M has been in nursery school almost a month. He goes twice a week and seems to like it. I opted for extended days so he can get more interaction, as he bores easily with me. He really likes the older kids' afternoon room because it has a wooden train set. The playground has sand and the weather has been nice, so he's been outside a lot. He loves playing outside and is very much in a train phase right now.

Big M also likes the child watch at the YMCA. He really likes being around other kids. We started swimming lessons and he really likes the pool. I started leaving his vest off so he wouldn't have a false sense of security and will get used to his own buoyancy. It is vital to keep him busy and I have finally found some successful activities for him.

Got him some wipe off pre-K books and a book with accompanying music. I am hoping he will start sitting down a bit for me, even though he is only two. He tends to learn more via interactive toys and songs, so I am going to try some new tactics. The sit down and learn trick didn't cut it for him and it frustrated me. He's much too smart and busy for this! He really likes to hum and sing, so I will incorporate music into the lesson.

We have only had two house showings. I don't think they have actually had an open house yet! I am disappointed with our realtor. A lot of their actions are automated and they don't seem to know what is going on; also a lack of communication between personnel and a slow follow up. Many of the things they told us never happened. We are getting nervous, as our rental house is booked for May and the rental prices go up five fold or more during the peak season. Also, I miss the cats and dogs so much. Big M was actually looking for the cats in the basement the other day. He gets excited every time we see a dog or cat. I wish we were in a house of our own, weren't living out of boxes, and had our critters with us.

Are you still awake or did I put you to sleep? Here are some photos to make you smile.

"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."
-Winston Churchill

"If you are going through hell, keep going."
-Winston Churchill

In Search of Vanilla

Tonight is my FIRST outing since Little m arrived. It is a planned outing with ladies, no kids, and no husbands. The theme is karaoke and wine. I am so excited!

I plan to bring cookies. Nursing a baby always leaves me craving sweets, so I might as well bring enough to share. Never go to someone's home empty handed, right?

One of the simplest cookies to make is no bake cookies. There are about eight ingredients and no baking required. In addition, it contains two of my favorite ingredients: chocolate and oatmeal.

The boys were sleeping, so now was the time to make the cookies. I removed the butter from the fridge to soften (an ideal trick for successful baking) and then proceeded to lay out the other ingredients. Then came the vanilla. I hadn't yet found the vanilla among the multitude of boxes in the basement. How hard could it be to find a bottle of vanilla?

I walked to the basement and began sifting through kitchen boxes. After finding other items I had previously needed--Equal, toddler containers, plastic bags, etc.--I realized that I had been through all of the "kitchen, dry goods" boxes. I had probably sifted through about ten boxes and still didn't have any vanilla.

In the meantime, Big M was awake and screaming at the top of his lungs. I'd better rush upstairs so he doesn't wake Little m. Big M was wide awake and hungry. I changed his diaper and prepared him a snack. Shortly thereafter Little m awoke. Time for another diaper change and a feeding. So much for making cookies.

An hour later and I am hoping to run to the store for vanilla. Time to load up the kids and be on my way. If I'm lucky, I will get back in time to make the cookies, pump milk for Little m, and possibly get myself ready for the evening. Here's to wishful thinking. I'll let you know how it all pans out for me. Stay tuned!

In addition to a vanilla quote, I am sharing a sound clip:

"I'll have a vanilla... one of those vanilla [expletive] things. You know, whatever you want, some vanilla [expletive] latte cappa thing. Whatever you got."
-Larry David

Source: http://www.famousquotesabout.com/on/Vanilla#ixzz1Hdk2g094
What Up Vanilla Face Sound Clip and Quote

More Chocolate

Big M was invited to a birthday party today. It was his friend's third birthday. The theme was Caillou. M had so much fun!

We arrived to a parade. Everyone was dressed in a costume. M played pin the tail on Gilbert (Caillou's cat). The birthday boy's mom is a teacher by training, so she had lots of fun activities planned for the kids.

It was so cute to watch the kids eat their cupcakes. There was a cupcake sitting in front of each kid. Watching the kids wait in anticipation as they waited for the birthday boy to blow out his candles before thy could eat their cupcakes almost looked like torture. They were almost sitting on their hands trying not to lunge at the sweet goodness sitting in front of them.

Everyone had fun at the birthday party. Little m slept through the entire thing. Big M fell asleep as soon as he got in the car. Upon waking, M opened his party favor bag and discovered M&M's. He learned that they melt in your mouth and your hand:

"There's nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with chocolate."
-Linda Grayson

I Need A Church Buddy

I need a church buddy. I have attempted to go to mass three times since we moved here and all have been minor disasters. It is time for me to find a buddy to help me with the kids.

Last night I took both kids to the Ash Wednesday evening service. First, I was misinformed on the time so we were 30 minutes early. Second, I opted to put Little m in the Baby Bjorn carrier. Third, Big M took a long nap (after skipping one the day before) and needed to physically exert himself. These three mishaps made a recipe for disaster.

Rather than attempt to entertain/contain Big M for 30 minutes, we returned to the car. I let him play in the car while I nursed Little m. Then I got the bright idea that I would put Little m in the baby carrier rather than tote him and the car seat into church. I thought this would free both hands for Big M.

We returned to a rather full church and found a spot near the front. Big M started acting up instantly. He began to throw a fit in the aisle right as the elderly priest approached. The priest told M to be good and mind his mother. M stretched his arms up and gave the priest a great big hug. The congregation gave a big "ahh" in unison. There was no doubt that all eyes were definitely on us--not the first impression I wanted to convey.

M was his usual friendly self. M flirted with the lady behind us. At one point, he tried to climb over the pew to get to her. He climbed into the laps of two other strangers, simply wanting to be held. I tried to hold him on my lap a few times, but he resisted. Guess he wanted my full attention.

We stayed through the ashes. Shortly thereafter M was saying that he wanted to go bye-bye. After hitting his head a few times trying to crawl under the pews. It felt like such a failure on my part and left me frustrated. At least I tried, right?

One of M's classmates was at mass. She was sitting quietly and behaving. Why couldn't my kid behave during mass? I really needed that time to reflect and be reminded of all my blessings. Sometimes my cup runneth over, but at least there is something in my cup.

On top of feeling frustrated, we were all a bit sick. Big M is recovering after two weeks, but still wheezing a bit. Little m is coughing and spitting up some. My throat hurts and a have a rotten cough. Also, D is sick. On top of m coughing in the middle of the night, I awoke to a sore upper torso. Guess the weight of both kids (~60+ lbs) at mass was more than my body could handle. I am hoping ibuprofen kicks in and the pain subsides before tonight's workout. We shall see.

Living Out Of Boxes

When I said that we were currently renting and that ALL of our belonging were boxed up in the basement, I wasn't kidding. Here is proof...

...this gives you a tiny glimpse of the basement. D did a great job organizing the insanity that is all of our possessions. Doesn't make it any easier though. 

At least Big M is having fun!

Swimsuit Season Already?

I woke up this morning feeling a little under the weather. Perhaps I picked up the bug Big M and Little m have been spreading around the house. To top it off, I had to go swimwear shopping.

I couldn't find my one piece swimsuit amidst the vast array of boxes in the basement. Why was I looking for a swimsuit in March? Definitely not for spring break; I need it for Big M's swimming lessons that start next week.

There is nothing I like less than swimsuit shopping. To make the chore a bit less painful, I follow these two rules:

     Stand at an angle for a slimming effect
          &
     Take off socks.

It sounds silly, but these two rules can make all the difference in your self confidence and body image perception.

“Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes.”
-Sophia Loren

“Big or small, fat or thin, all women are beautiful.”
-Cherie K. Erdman

“Women need to celebrate their God-given beauty instead of always trying to be something else.”
-Iman

“Accept who you are; and revel in it.”
-Mitch Albom in Tuesdays with Morrie

Side note (that's for you, Jess): I took Big M on a trial run this week in the small pool. I found various swimwear that was repulsed by my post baby, post moving, fitness deprived, and poor diet body. What I thought was a good idea was a black maternity swim tank and black bottoms. The lighting is apparently very poor at the rental, for when I got dressed at the YMCA I realized how awful I looked. The top was so big that it hid the bottoms! In addition, M grabbed onto the strap and untied the top. I then realized that I needed a more toddler-friendly bathing suit.

So off we went to Old Navy. I thought this would be the most affordable swimsuit option, especially this early in the season. There were two one piece styles and one tankini style. After trying on all three, I settled for the one piece and the tankini top--the bottom covered less than my undies. I kept remind myself that my body was not quite ready for bathing suit season and that I still had time to prepare. I'm going to be in the kiddy pool with other moms and kids. As long as M is happy, nothing else matters.

Routines, Fitness, and Finding Balance

Something I have struggled with over the years is finding balance in life. Whether it has been among personal, professional, and spiritual aspects of life or fitness and diet, I have constantly struggled with finding balance.

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.”
- Albert Einstein

Here is an excerpt from A Balanced Life, Written by Natalie A. Gahrmann:

"Can you really have it all?
That's the question I often get asked by busy working moms who want to be able to work, have a family and take care of themselves. My answer is always 'yes, absolutely'. Finding balance in life is a realistic and important goal. However, sometimes there are glitches and life feels out of control. When this happens it's usually because you are not getting your needs met or you are not aligned with your values. When you're out of integrity life feels out of balance..."

A few personality flaws have added obstacles to my search for a balanced life. Being a perfectionist, I strive to follow things through to the end. This is very unrealistic and can actually be counterintuitive. For example, waiting to clean the office until there is time to organize everything, and I do mean E V E R Y- T H I N G! Another trait associated with perfectionism is procrastinating. This one speaks for itself. Obstacles don't make it impossible to find balance, but rather make it more challenging.

As an educated woman I have wanted to have it all: a happy marriage, a career (not just a job), and a family. Anyone who has ever tried to have all of these has either failed miserably or learned that there are compromises along the way. Not being the primary bread winner--as most women are not--my career path became less important than my husband's career. Also, I chose a humanitarian field rather than a cushy, well-paying field: public health. Hormones also played a role in family-related decisions. When the mothering, nurturing instincts kick in, there is little left to do but go with it and protect your offspring. Unless you can afford a nanny, have the luxury of extended family to assist you, or have a personal assistant, it is virtually impossible to have a successful career and simultaneously raise children alone. Again, as is the case for my husband and me, no nanny, no extended family to assist with the care of the kids, and no personal assistant. I compromised and chose to stay at home with the kids. I didn't even mention the cost of childcare for two+ kids...

Having been in the Bay State for a month now, we have started getting into some routines. It has not been an easy four weeks. I initially wanted to join the YMCA, but could not enlist Little m in childcare until he was three months old. Unfortunately, he was eight weeks old when we moved here so there was nothing left to do but wait. I joined a local moms group through Meetup.com and spent most of my spare time trying to find activities for Big M that coincided around snacks, meals, naps, and Little m's feedings (still nursing every two hours around the clock).

I can sum up my sentiments to these first four weeks of chaos in a few words: frustrating and exhausting. I did not know the area. I hadn't even been to the Cape prior to moving here. I was used to the convenience of things back in the Bluegrass: a diversity of shopping, restaurants, drive thru businesses, and so many flexible options for kids. Also, two year olds can be very unpredictable and uncommunicative. Finding an activity that kept Big M stimulated, burned up some of his seemingly endless energy, was age appropriate, and had a few somewhat equally matched kids was such a struggle. I spent my mornings getting all three of us bathed, dressed, fed, and safe (read: very curious toddler) and then had to battle a toddler tantrum before getting us all in the car. We would rush to make the scheduled event, then I would tote everyone inside and chase Big M (as he tended to be an escape artist) all the while watching or holding (and often simultaneously feeding) Little m. Then we would load up in the car and Big M was usually hungry and very tired, so I would battle the challenge of finding a healthy snack to tide him over until we got home. Did I mention that the only drive-thrus in the area are Dunkin' Donuts? Not (m)any healthy options at DD! Did I also mention that I struggled to find a daycare with open enrollment? At the end of the day, I was exhausted and I still had to battle dinnertime and bedtime with Big M as well as through the night feedings with Little m.

Soon thereafter we got into our groove. I learned to either pack a snack or leave snacks in the car. I would change diapers and nurse Little m right before we left. I gave activities a cut off time to avoid overlapping lunch and nap times. I found places to get a little physical activity, such as mall walking or even walking through the grocery aisles. I purchased a child harness and began using it to wear out Big M a bit when we ran errands. He loved it and I would put him in the double stroller when he got tired. Did I mention that Big M is over 40 pounds? Carrying him and Little m (often in a car seat) did wonders to my neck, back, carpal tunnel syndrome, and tennis elbow. Although going bye-bye was a challenge, it was nothing compared to the battles I had if we stayed home.

Little m turned three months old on Sunday. That day, we joined the YMCA. At last, I would get a few minutes to myself for some fitness that my body had been craving! Now all that was left to do was reserve child care (only available during 9am-12pm and 5-7:30pm and limited to 1.5 hours at a time), find a class that coincided with child care hours, get everyone ready, and we were set. This week we went to the Y three times: I tried zumba and cardio kickboxing classes that both kicked my out-of-shape butt and then I took Big M to the small pool. Big M starts swim lessons next week and we are very excited!

I am not sure if we are adjusting to things or if I am just getting used to the checklist of items required to go anywhere, but it is all starting to fall into place. Big M usually asks to go bye-bye every day--such a social butterfly--and today is the first day he wanted to stay home all week. My body aches from workouts, but I am optimistic that next week will be easier than this week. We found a nursery school for Big M. He started this week (two half days). Nursery school and the Y have made all the difference as we begin our second month in the Cape.

Finding balance in life will continue to be an ongoing challenge. A challenge I will welcome gladly every day. Rather than look at it as a challenge, I will regard it as an adventure. Routines will continue to change and need modifications as my boys grow. Looking at my smiling baby's face or hearing my toddler say "I love you, Mommy" make it all worthwhile. Let the adventures continue!

Who Do You Look To For Advice?

Who do you look to for advice? Do you have a strong support system? Do you turn to family members or close friends? Do you seek guidance from a spiritual source? Do you rely on a professional counselor or therapist?

“Seek advice but use your own common sense.”
-Yiddish Proverb

Something I have discovered over the years is the importance of a strong support system. Once I got through the selfish phase of my teens and early 20s, I started thinking about the person I wanted to be. I realized that I needed to surround myself with positive influences to be a more positive person. Karma became part of my philosophy.* I prefer not to seek revenge, for I know good things happen to good people... Rather than obsess about things that I wasn't proud of that I had done, I chose to leave the past in the past and make teaching moments out of bad situations. I guess I was starting to grow up.

"Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.”
-Anne Frank

It is funny how as a teenager I thought I was an adult at 18. Now I understand that 18 only made me a legal adult. It took many more years for me to become an adult. Now that I am an adult, I have no idea why I was in such a hurry to grow up.

"It's not easy taking my problems one at a time when they refuse to get in line."
-Ashleigh Brilliant

Something else that I discovered was the difference between an acquaintance and a friend. I recall reading an article that mentioned if you have three true friends in life you're doing okay. After being walked on and lead on the wrong path (often willingly) too many times, I began to understand that not all acquaintances were friends. I also began to cherish the friends I had made and appreciate the time I had spent with them, however short or long.. "People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do."

Basically, I have spent my life building my support system. I have not always known who to turn to for advice. I haven't always received the best advice. Due to trial and error, I have learned who to turn to for what specifically and most of all I have learned to follow my heart. My husband taught me to follow my gut. It was the best advice anyone ever gave me. I love my husband and I love my family!

*"In Buddhist teaching, the law of karma, says only this: `for every event that occurs, there will follow another event whose existence was caused by the first, and this second event will be pleasant or unpleasant according as its cause was skillful or unskillful.'..."