Something I have struggled with over the years is finding balance in life. Whether it has been among personal, professional, and spiritual aspects of life or fitness and diet, I have constantly struggled with finding balance.
“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.”
- Albert Einstein
Here is an excerpt from A Balanced Life, Written by Natalie A. Gahrmann:
"Can you really have it all?
That's the question I often get asked by busy working moms who want to be able to work, have a family and take care of themselves. My answer is always 'yes, absolutely'. Finding balance in life is a realistic and important goal. However, sometimes there are glitches and life feels out of control. When this happens it's usually because you are not getting your needs met or you are not aligned with your values. When you're out of integrity life feels out of balance..."
A few personality flaws have added obstacles to my search for a balanced life. Being a perfectionist, I strive to follow things through to the end. This is very unrealistic and can actually be counterintuitive. For example, waiting to clean the office until there is time to organize everything, and I do mean E V E R Y- T H I N G! Another trait associated with perfectionism is procrastinating. This one speaks for itself. Obstacles don't make it impossible to find balance, but rather make it more challenging.
As an educated woman I have wanted to have it all: a happy marriage, a career (not just a job), and a family. Anyone who has ever tried to have all of these has either failed miserably or learned that there are compromises along the way. Not being the primary bread winner--as most women are not--my career path became less important than my husband's career. Also, I chose a humanitarian field rather than a cushy, well-paying field: public health. Hormones also played a role in family-related decisions. When the mothering, nurturing instincts kick in, there is little left to do but go with it and protect your offspring. Unless you can afford a nanny, have the luxury of extended family to assist you, or have a personal assistant, it is virtually impossible to have a successful career and simultaneously raise children alone. Again, as is the case for my husband and me, no nanny, no extended family to assist with the care of the kids, and no personal assistant. I compromised and chose to stay at home with the kids. I didn't even mention the cost of childcare for two+ kids...
Having been in the Bay State for a month now, we have started getting into some routines. It has not been an easy four weeks. I initially wanted to join the YMCA, but could not enlist Little m in childcare until he was three months old. Unfortunately, he was eight weeks old when we moved here so there was nothing left to do but wait. I joined a local moms group through Meetup.com and spent most of my spare time trying to find activities for Big M that coincided around snacks, meals, naps, and Little m's feedings (still nursing every two hours around the clock).
I can sum up my sentiments to these first four weeks of chaos in a few words: frustrating and exhausting. I did not know the area. I hadn't even been to the Cape prior to moving here. I was used to the convenience of things back in the Bluegrass: a diversity of shopping, restaurants, drive thru businesses, and so many flexible options for kids. Also, two year olds can be very unpredictable and uncommunicative. Finding an activity that kept Big M stimulated, burned up some of his seemingly endless energy, was age appropriate, and had a few somewhat equally matched kids was such a struggle. I spent my mornings getting all three of us bathed, dressed, fed, and safe (read: very curious toddler) and then had to battle a toddler tantrum before getting us all in the car. We would rush to make the scheduled event, then I would tote everyone inside and chase Big M (as he tended to be an escape artist) all the while watching or holding (and often simultaneously feeding) Little m. Then we would load up in the car and Big M was usually hungry and very tired, so I would battle the challenge of finding a healthy snack to tide him over until we got home. Did I mention that the only drive-thrus in the area are Dunkin' Donuts? Not (m)any healthy options at DD! Did I also mention that I struggled to find a daycare with open enrollment? At the end of the day, I was exhausted and I still had to battle dinnertime and bedtime with Big M as well as through the night feedings with Little m.
Soon thereafter we got into our groove. I learned to either pack a snack or leave snacks in the car. I would change diapers and nurse Little m right before we left. I gave activities a cut off time to avoid overlapping lunch and nap times. I found places to get a little physical activity, such as mall walking or even walking through the grocery aisles. I purchased a child harness and began using it to wear out Big M a bit when we ran errands. He loved it and I would put him in the double stroller when he got tired. Did I mention that Big M is over 40 pounds? Carrying him and Little m (often in a car seat) did wonders to my neck, back, carpal tunnel syndrome, and tennis elbow. Although going bye-bye was a challenge, it was nothing compared to the battles I had if we stayed home.
Little m turned three months old on Sunday. That day, we joined the YMCA. At last, I would get a few minutes to myself for some fitness that my body had been craving! Now all that was left to do was reserve child care (only available during 9am-12pm and 5-7:30pm and limited to 1.5 hours at a time), find a class that coincided with child care hours, get everyone ready, and we were set. This week we went to the Y three times: I tried zumba and cardio kickboxing classes that both kicked my out-of-shape butt and then I took Big M to the small pool. Big M starts swim lessons next week and we are very excited!
I am not sure if we are adjusting to things or if I am just getting used to the checklist of items required to go anywhere, but it is all starting to fall into place. Big M usually asks to go bye-bye every day--such a social butterfly--and today is the first day he wanted to stay home all week. My body aches from workouts, but I am optimistic that next week will be easier than this week. We found a nursery school for Big M. He started this week (two half days). Nursery school and the Y have made all the difference as we begin our second month in the Cape.
Finding balance in life will continue to be an ongoing challenge. A challenge I will welcome gladly every day. Rather than look at it as a challenge, I will regard it as an adventure. Routines will continue to change and need modifications as my boys grow. Looking at my smiling baby's face or hearing my toddler say "I love you, Mommy" make it all worthwhile. Let the adventures continue!
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