Time-Out For Mommy

Do you ever have one of those days where your toddler will not listen? Or more like one of those weeks? This morning my son has only listened to about half of what I have said. This is probably better than most days, but also very hard for productivity.

"There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want."
-Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

I got him a snack (more like the other half of his breakfast) after he pushed a chair into the kitchen and tried to climb up to get it himself. I attempted to watch a show on TV for a change--if we aren't watching cartoons, my husband is choosing the program. Once I realized that M was doing everything possible to play loud and distract me, I gave up the notion that I might watch a TV program in its entirety. Then I gave him all of my attention and tried to work with him on numbers. We could not even get through zero! He subsequently began slamming our area heater into the wall. We are currently staying in a rental hoe, mind you, and I would like to keep repairs to a minimum. I them decided that a time-out in the crib was a necessity. Did I mention that at the same time I was carrying around m while he nursed?

"The time to relax is when you don't have time for it."
-Attributed to both Jim Goodwin and Sydney J. Harris

Time outs are for Mommy as much as they are for kids. I do not get much time to myself. Every now and again I get to shower alone (maybe once or twice a week), for usually my toddler climbs in and wants to bathe. I like to call my daily showers my spa time. It isn't really spa time when my child is lying in the tub and I am standing cramped on the other side. I used to enjoy drinking coffee while M played. Nowadays I am usually nursing m and M is climbing on me while I try to chug my coffee. Coffee has become fuel to me. I now drink it throughout the day. Generally it is decaffeinated because I am nursing a baby. Doesn't matter; I still enjoy coffee--regular or decaff. I no longer get to sleep through the night, for our now 11-week-old m continues to eat EVERY TWO HOURS around the clock! If I want to take a "relaxing" walk, I am either pushing a stroller (weigh ~70 lb) or carrying a child. To keep M out of trouble, I am usually carrying m around to nurse or to keep him from crying. To stay sane as a mother of two under three, I try to find joy in the little things in life.

"Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you."
-John De Paola

I really miss some of my former life in the Bluegrass. I miss having M in daycare two to three days per week. it gave me one-on-one time with m and we were starting to establish a decent daily routine. I miss not having almost everything in boxes. M had a playroom with all of his toys and books and it was a separate area that he could play. He had his own space and it was safe. I miss having great friends to stop by for conversation and adult time. I miss having a big yard for M to play. I miss mall walking with a designated play area for kids. I miss our dogs and cats. I miss not having a headache and neck/shoulder/back aches on a daily basis. I miss not being exhausted by 9 am. I miss my comfy bed. Overall, I miss structure and our old routines and am having trouble establishing new ones.

"Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths."
-Etty Hillesum

You've got your hands full! I cannot tell you how many times I hear this expression in a week. Here are a few more: "the first year is the hardest with two" and "they are only little once!" These expressions are reassuring, as they give a finiteness to my current situation, but every day is a struggle. I feel very alone in motherhood, living in a new state where I don't really know anyone but my husband. My husband works late almost every night and has been working on the weekends lately. I know that he wants to get his new job in order, but sometimes I think he just wants to be away from the kids and me. I love being a mother, but it is often very trying. When I hit the wall, I know it's time for a time out for Mommy!